‘Last night she took my dick and balls into a balloon poodle’. I tried to warn my son of the dangers of Russian Roulette...it went in one ear and out the other.. ‘The first 40 years of childhood are the hardest’ - El Arroyo. I may not have Covid but I do lack taste. You’ve got some pointy ass elbows. There’s no I in denial. My therapist told me I’m indecisive, but I’m not so sure.. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.. Why do keyboards never sleep? Because they have two shifts.. What is the scariest thing to read in braille? Do not touch.. What is the hardest part about learning to ride a bike? The pavement.. What are a male donkey’s pronouns? He / Haw. Working harder than an ugly stripper. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Good food, bad atmosphere.. Fat shaming is wrong. They have enough on their plate already.. What’s the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the two S’s.. Bud light is like a sex canoe - it’s fucking close to water. You know how the moon cuts his hair? He clips it.. I’m gonna make like a fetus and head on out. I told my therapist I’m having suicidal thoughts, now he’s making me pay in advance. You know Helen Keller drives? One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.. My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. But then the librarian asked me to take it out. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather—Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.. What do you call an Italian hooker? A Pasta-tute. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.. People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.