Lies I've believed about myself… • 7 min read
by campak · 40 things on Twos
- “When you and I choose to believe a lie about ourselves, it’s one of these three lies we believe: I’m helpless, I’m worthless, I’m unlovable.” - Jennie Allen
- Do I believe any of those right now? Objectively I'd say no. Even thinking those three things or speaking them aloud hurts inside, but it hurts because it feels super wrong, yet also resonates…
- Honestly, I do believe some of those subconsciously.
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- ✓ I'M HELPLESS
- Areas where I fall into this line of thinking lately is often regarding my health, work, and marriage. All of those still fall back on my health. Dealing with somewhat unexplainable chronic pain for almost half a decade and currently going through a long flareup is very rough. Oftentimes at work, I have to stop what I'm doing and lay down to ease the pain of my body and mind. That itself is not a problem objectively, because it makes so much sense to take care of oneself.
- This chronic sickness is not my fault. I didn't do anything to cause bad genetics to be passed down to me. I didn't do some crazy sin that threw this upon me. Honestly I believe God allowed this to happen to me, because He is going to sustain me through it and restore me so that I can help bring restoration to others.
- "He gives us comfort in all our troubles. Then we can comfort other people who have the same troubles. We give the same kind of comfort God gives us (2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT)."
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- ✓ I'M UNLOVABLE
- Not being able to contribute as much as I'd like at work and at home makes me sometimes feel helpless and unlovable. I want to provide help and get things done, and all of my life I've been a super hard worker. I put my heart and soul into the work that I did. Later on I learned that a hard work ethic can be a disguise for a deep wound: feeling unlovable.
- When I did everything I was told to do, I was praised, and any time I missed the mark, even with good intentions, I was shamed or disciplined. So… if I did good, I was good. If I did bad, I was bad. And, oftentimes I missed the mark. Therefore I could believe that I was unlovable by default and needed to win the approval and validation from others to be able to be loved. I fought hard to earn love.
- Currently where I see this battle is at work. I want to contribute well to the team and also help each team-member feel seen, heard, and loved. And, that's pretty easy when I'm feeling physically good, but when I'm going through an extended period of chronic pain, it actually becomes very hard. I feel like I drop the ball often when trying to meet deadlines, and then I become very negative and critical of the process when the speed of things tends to stress me out and bring a ton of bodily pains.
- I hope my team knows that I am dedicated and will work hard. At the same time, my body has limitations. As I work hard to move past the limitations, I will also honor my body by resting in order to heal well. I am dearly loved.
- It's impossible to be unlovable when the creator of the universe sent his son Jesus into the world for me, for you. "God so loved the world, that He gave his one and only son [Jesus]. Whoever would believe in Him would not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16)."
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- ✓ I'M WORTHLESS
- By the grace of God, I do not feel like this lie overwhelms me. I feel of value deep in my soul. I know that God finds worth in me and created me with value. That value doesn't have to look like what value looks like to the common person, and I don't have to be super loud or extra to be valued. God sees me and says that I have great worth and am created like Him, in the image of Him.
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- LIES LIVE ON A WEAK FOUNDATION
- The three lies mentioned above are the foundational underlying lies of all lies. For example, if I believe that "my teammates don't like me", it may be a deeper underlying belief that "I'm unlovable" and I latch onto any comment or remark that seems to align with my thinking of being unlovable.
- The great enemy of this day is hurry (thank's John Mark Comer lol) and also distraction. Why? Those two things put us in prime position to move at such a speed that lies can slip in without us noticing. We may think things like, "ah I'm dumb for making that mistake." And overtime those small remarks start to feel true to us, without us even wanting to believe those things.
- The great thing about lies is that they live on such a fragile foundation, that once broken through, they have no ground to stand. Just like I pointed out above, if I feel unlovable, then why does the story of the Gospel of Jesus point to a loving savior giving his life for me? "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends (John 15:13 NLT)." I feel pretty dang loved after reading that.
- The reality is that truth is absolutely powerful and has legs to stand on, but lies always have a weak spot that we tend to feed. Once we stop feeding the lie and point out the weak spot by shining the light of truth in, then the lie begins to lose power.
- So, how do we fight lies?
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- COMBAT LIES WITH TRUTH
- I might as well try with a live demo. Because I've been battling chronic health issues, I had to go on short term disability recently and am now re-integrating back into the work life. It's been very hard, actually. We move pretty fast-paced where I work at, so trying to ease back in was harder than I imagined. I found myself not being able to do what I committed to doing and feeling like I was dropping the ball and being a wall, preventing my team from moving forward.
- With that I think I started to believe that I'm helpless. And because of my inaction, I was unlovable. As if they only loved me when I produced work.
- Truth says that I have a chronic condition that makes it hard to work at the same pace as everyone else. And, that's okay. Truth also says that when I do get work done, I pay an incredible amount of attention to detail and produce with great quality. Truth also says that while I was even sicker and on disability, my team often checked in, sent prayers, and even sent me a Pokémon-themed gift basket. It was encouraging at the time and is still encouraging as I think about it.
- That sounds like someone who is greatly loved and also is going through a rough time physically. Truth is that I may need to lay down and not work at times. Does that make me unlovable? Absolutely not.
- I am loved.
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- REFLECTION QUESTIONS
- Right now, do you feel helpless, unlovable, or worthless?
- Would you believe me if I told you that you are not any of those? What hesitations would you have believing that you are able, loved greatly, and of great value?
- Ask God to highlight to your mind some truth to combat the lies you believe. Hold onto that truth.
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- Okay, well that was my first blog-like experience using the Twos app! ✌️ If you liked it or have any comments, please feel free to reach out to me at cam.pak@hey.com.