Week 15
by Joe · 51 things on Twos
- Well boys. We’ve made it to the best part of the year. What we’ve all been waiting for. Where ultimate relief is granted to the victorious and the loser is met with pain and suffering.
- I’m talking about, of course, the toilet bowl.
And to say I’m surprised at the matchup would be an understatement.
- Team JihadWardDPOY vs Culler Rush. Two shining stars that once ruled the Duval Degens league will now dance like monkeys for the rest of our enjoyment.
- Say what you will - but team JihadWardDPOY now being on a 9 game losing streak is down right impressive. Mr. Girlfriend himself has lost every game since forgetting to set a lineup in week 6.
- Team Culler Rush ruled the top 4 while Tractorcito was still running but has since floundered. After having lost to Team JYStephens, his place has been set at the table of shit.
- Remember. Loser will have to perform a non familiar musical instrument until they receive $50 in tips of or at least one hour of play. Since neither of our two participants are known for showing up when it matters, we will address the details next Tuesday.
- Let’s rank some teams…
- 10. JihadWardDPOY
- Y’all have heard me say it before but I’ll say it again. Thomas has put his relationships above the league and it’s costed him dearly.
- The toilet bowl will be a tough one for him with QB Cryin Stainehill going off tonight to set the tone for the rest of the weekend.
- In the words of Jack Stephens “if Thomas loses, I’ll make him do the punishment”
- 9. Culler Rush
- In what seems like poetic justice for the rest of the league, the guy who was stealing draft picks left and right has now been seated right in the toilet bowl.
- By drafting AFC South Villain Tractorcito with his first round pick - Culler landed on the shit list from day one and his lack of waiver wire pickups has now landed him in the shit bowl.
- 8. Intentional Pounding
- Matt staved off an appearance in the toilet bowl but that is hardly impressive considering his opponent was Thomas.
- He was projected 144 points but ended up with 115 after Joe Mixon, Hunter Renfrow, and Rhamondre Stevenson fell FAR short of expectations. With emphasis on Rhamondre suckin a whole lotta ass.
- Matt will end the season in the bottom four but at least he survived the most turbulent times of Patrick Mahomes 10 year contract.
- 7. Joey Freshwater
- You may be surprised to see team Joey Freshwater below Team JYStephens in the power rankings but after scoring 103 total points in week 15, this team sucks again.
- Urban Meyer may have fucked Schuster over twice. Once when he ruined the Jaguars season and a second time when he put shackles on James Robinson all season when Schuster was his biggest believer.
- And the week that James was set free, Tom Brady and the rest of the bucks were locked right up.
- Schuster will be playing for 5th place. Who cares.
- 6. Team Jystephens
- I said it last week and I’ll say it again - I am THRILLED this team is not in the playoffs bc Cooper Kupp, James Conner, and Matt Stafford are not to be fucked with in the back half of this season.
- Not starting Dalvin Cook from an outsiders perspective seemed 50 shades of fucked but guess Jack knew something we didn’t.
- Jack wins his game against Culler putting him in the toilet bowl and officially making him the Thomas Chafin punishment enforcer. Thanks for stepping up to the plate Jacky.
- 5. Green Bay Bortles
- Team DJ Shart Jr, Green Bay Bortles, Ole Miss Racist Losers, among other names gave the commish a run for his money. Not really tho.
- Travis Kelce dropping 41 on Thursday night football made the little guy seem that much more little and the rest is history.
- Chris Godwin getting hurt when he seemed on pace for a 45 point game was a blessing in disguise, Jimmy G looked more like Jimmy Pee, and leaving Russel Gage on the bench costed this team his spot in the semi finals.
- Jake will be playing Schuster for the 5th overall spot in the league and again, who cares.
- 4. Duval Deadheads
- Y’all heard me say it in the beginning of the season and I’ll say it again, watch out for the Deadheads.
- Now having secured his spot in the semi-finals vs a juggernaut Energy Vampire, if the Deadheads can perform up to their projections, this will be the match to watch.
- Making a mid-season switch to Dak vs Russ was a risky but effective one and Alvin Kamara will be looking for a bounce back game (especially with Taysom Hill getting the coco).
- I’m excited, you’re excited, we’re excited for this championship spot matchup.
- 3. No Time 4 Stalin
- I hope the sneaky Russian enjoyed his off week. But to me, that’s just losers mentality.
- My guys come to play week in, week out. Rain or shine. Hot or cold.
- I’m not saying that the rust may come into play for his semi final matchup vs the commish but we will see.
- Bring it.
- 2. Jaggin Off
- See above^
- Team Jaggin Off will be praying the Bills start looking like the first half of the season Bills, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Team Jaggin Off has sent Twitter DM’s threatening Josh Allen’s family.
- Not seein a whole lotta depth on the bench either. We will see.
- Call me commish
- My guys are ready.
- Enjoy a great weekend of football. Don’t forget it will all be over soon so enjoy it while it lasts.
- Go jags, fuck the jets, and fuck corona virus,
- Love, Joe