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Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday

Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday

by Parker · 324 things on Twos

"Do not believe that he who seeks to comfort you lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life has much difficulty and sadness and remains far behind yours. Were it otherwise he would never have been able to find those words." - Rainer Maria Rilke
Trappings of success—influence, a platform, press, resources, money, even a little notoriety
With success comes the temptation to tell oneself a story, to round off the edges, to cut out your lucky breaks and add a certain mythology to it all
There is no one moment that changes a person. There are many
To go from wanting to be like someone your whole life to realizing you never want want to be like him is a kind of whiplash that you can't prepare for
Who do I want to be? And: What path will I take?
History is also made by individuals who fought their egos at every turn, who eschewed the spotlight, and who put their higher goals above their desire for recognition
Virtue begins with understanding and is fulfilled by courage. We must begin by seeing ourselves and the world in a new way for the first time. Then we must fight to be different and fight to stay different
In order to eliminate warping or curvature, a skilled woodworker slowly applies pressure in the opposite direction—essentially, bending it straight
"Out of the crooked timber of humanity, nothing can be made straight" - Kant. We will never be straight, but we can strive for straighter
You will think less of yourself, be less invested in the story you tell about your own specialness, and as a result, you will be liberated to accomplish the world-changing work you've set out to achieve
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself—and you are the easiest person to fool" - Richard Feynman
Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, your worst enemy already lives inside you: your ego
"Egotist" refers to someone dangerously focused on themselves and with disregard for anyone else
An unhealthy belief in our own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition
It's that petulant child inside every person, the one that chooses getting his or her way over anything or anyone else. The need to be better than, more than, recognized for, far past any reasonable utility—that's ego. It's the sense of superiority and certainty that exceeds the bounds of confidence and talent
It's when the notion of ourselves and the world grows so inflated that it begins to distort the reality that surrounds us
"Self-confidence becomes arrogance, assertiveness becomes obstinacy, and self-assurance becomes reckless abandon" - Bill Walsh
Ego is the enemy of what you want and of what you have: Of mastering a craft. Of building loyalty and support. Of longevity, Of repeating and retaining your success. It repulese advanntages and opportunities. It's a magnet for enemies and errors
"Sick man ignorant of the couse of his malady" - Lecuretius. Especially for successful people who can't see what ego prevents them from doing because all they can see is what they've already done
With every ambition and goal we have, ego is there undermining us on the very journey we've put everything into pursuing
If ego is the voice that tells us we're better than we really are, we can say ego inhibits true success by preventing a direct and honest connection with the world around us
Ego as "a conscious seoaration from." Everything.
We can't work with other people if we've put up walls. We can't improve the world if we don't understand it or ourselves. We can't take or receive feedback if we are incapable of or uninterested in hearing from ourside sources. We can't recognize opportunities—or create them—if instead of seeing what is in front of us, we live inside our own fantasy. Without an accurate accounting of our own abilities compared to others, what we have is not confidennce but delusion. How are we supposed to reach, motivate, or lead other people if we can't relate to their nneeds—because we have lost touch with our own?
"If you start believing in your greatness, it is the death of your creativity" - Marina Abramović
Just one thing keeps ego around—comfort. Pursuing great work is often terrifyinng. Ego soothes that fear. Replacing the rational and aware parts of our psyche with bluster and self-absorbtion, ego tells us what we want to hear, when we want to hear it
It is a short-term fix with a long-term consequence
At any given time in life, people find themselves at one of three stages. We're aspiring to something, have achieved success, or we have failed
We're aspiring until we succeed, we succeed until we fail or until we aspire to more, and after we fail we can begin to aspire or succeed again
Ego is the enemy of building, of maintaining, and of recovering
Help you suppress ego early before bad habits take hold. to replace the temptations of ego with humility and discipline when we experience success, and to cultivate strength and fortitude so that when fate turns against you, you're not wrecked by failure
Be humble in our aspirations, gracious in our success, and resilient in our failures
"Buildings that lie so exposed to the weather need a good foundation" - William Penn
Your ego is not some power you're forced to satiate at every turn. It can be managed. It can be directed
It was their sense of reality and awareness that was at the core of their great art
Grounded, circumspect, and unflinchingly real. They were great yet humble
No one is truly successful because they are delusional, self-absorbed, or disconnected
Only when free of ego and baggage can anyone perform to their utmost
When we remove ego, we're left with what is real. What replace ego is rock-hard humility and confidence
Humility and reality are the cure
The path of ambition can be dangerous
"Practice self-control" - Demonicus. Do not fall under the sway of "temper, pleasure, and pain." "Abhor flatterers as you would deceivers; for both, if trusted, injure those who trust them."
"Be affable in your relationns with those who approach you, and nnever haughty; for the pride of the arrogant even slaves can hardly endure. Be slow in deliberationn, but be prompt to carry out your resolves and the best thing which we have in ourselves is good judgement." Constantly train your intellect, "for the greatest thing in the smallest compass is a sound mind in a human body."
Imaine an imbitious personn turning down a chance to advance in responsibilities because he actually wanted to be ready for them
He paid no notice and stuck to his plan
"Be natural and yourself and this glittering flattery will be as the passing breeze of the sea on a warm summer day."
Among men who rise to fame and leadership two types are recognizable—those who are born with a belief in themselves and those in whom it is a slow growth dependent on actual achievement
The ability to evaluate one's own ability is the most important skill of all
Arrogance and self-absorption inhibit growth
You must practice seeing yourself with a little distance, cultivating the ability to get out of your own head. Detachment is a sort of natural ego antidote
For your work to have truth in it, it must come from truth. If you want to be more than a flash inn the pan, you must be prepared to focus on the long term
Though we think big, we must act and live small in order to accomplish what we seek. We will be action and education focused, and forgo validation and status, our ambition will not be grandiose but iterative—one foot in front of the other, learning and growing and putting in the time
With their aggression, intensity, self-absorption, and endless self-promotion, our competitors don't realize how they jeopardize their own efforts
"Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know" - Lao Tzu
Talking is always easy
Silence is strength
Silence. The ability to deliberately keep yourself out of the conversation and subsist without its validation. Silence is the respite of the confident and the strong
"Never give reasons for what you think or do until you must. Maybe, after a while, a better reason will pop into your head"
Strategic flexibility is not the only benefit of silence while others chatter. It is also psychology. "A man's best treasure is a thrifty tongue"
Talk depletes us
Talking and doing fight for the same resources. Talking aloud to ourselves while we work through difficult problems has been shown to significantly decrease insight and breakthroughs
The more difficult task, the more uncertain the outcome, the more costly talk will be and the farther we run from actual accountability
Success requires a full 100 percent of our effort, and talk flitters part of that effort away before we can use it
Doing great work is a struggle. It's draining, it's demoralizing, it's frightening
The greatest work and art comes from wrestling with the void, facing it instead of scrambling to make it go away
Work quietly in the corner. Turn their inner turmoil into the product. Ignore the impulse to seek recognition before they act. Don't talk much
The only relationship between work and chatter is that one kills the other
Plug that hole right in the middle of your face—that can drain you of your vital life force. Watch what happens. Watch how much better you get
Be something different
You can do something—something for your country and for yourself. If you decide you want to do something, you may not get promoted and you may not get the good assignments and you certainly will not be a favorite of your superiors. But you won't have to compromise yourself. You will be true to your friends and to yourself. And your work might make a difference. To be somebody or to do something
"To be or to do? Which way will you go?"
Appearances are deceiving. Having authority is not the same as being an authority. Having the right and being right are not the same either. Being promoted doesn't necessarily mean you're doing good work and it doesn't meann you are worthy of promotion. Impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive
DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY vs PRIDE, POWER, GREED
Many of the systems and structures in the military can corrupt the very values they set out to serve
Ego crosses out what matters and replaces it with what doesn't
What's fueling you?
What is your purpose? What are you here to do?
What you choose to do with your time and what you choose to do for money works on you
If your purpose is something larger than you—to accomplish something, to prove something to yourself—then suddenly everything becomes both easier and more difficult. Easier in the sense that you knnow now what it is you nneed to do and what is important to you. Easier in the sense that you don't need to compromise. Harder because each opportunity—no matter how gratifying or rewarding—must be evaluated along strict guidelines: Does this help me do what I have set out to do? Does this allow me to do what I need to do? Am I being selfish or selfless?
"What is it that I want to accomplish in life?" What calling does it serve? What principles govern my choices? Do I want to be like everyone else or do I want to do something different?
Do I need this? Or is it really about ego?
To be or to do—life is a constant roll call
Let No Man's Ghost Come Back to Say My Training Let Me Down
The pretense of knowledge is our most dangerous vice, because it prevents us from getting any better
Plus, minus, and equal. To become great, have someone better that they can learn from, someone lesser who they can teach, and someone equal that they can challenge themselves against
Get real and continuous feedback about what they know and what they don't know from every angle. It purges out the ego that puffs us up, the fear that makes us want to coast. "False ideas about yourself destroy you. Always stay a student." Use humility as a tool. Put yourself beneath someone you trust. By accepting others know more than you, you can benefit from their knowledge, seeking them out and knocking down the illusions you have about yourself
A philosopher must know deeply, and also know how little they know
To become great and to stay great, they must all know what came before, what is going on now, and what comes next. Internalize the fundamentals of their domain and what surrounds them. They must be always learning. We must all become our own teachers, tutors, and critics
A true student is like a sponge. Absorbing what goes on around him, filtering it, latching on to what he can hold. A student is self-critical and self-motivated, always trying to improve his understanding so that he can move on to the next topic, the next challenge. A real student is also his own teacher and his own critic. There is no room for ego there
"It is impossible to learn that which one thinks one already knows." - Epictetus. You can't learn if you think you already know. You will not find the answers if you're too conceited and self-assured to ask the questions. You cannot get better if you're convinced you are the best
The art of taking feedback is such a crucial skill in life. We not only need to take this harsh feedback, but actively solicit it, labor to seek out the negative precisely when our friends and family and brain are telling us that we're doing great
To become what we ultimately hope to become often takes long periods of obscurity, of sitting and wrestling with some topic or paradox
Today, books are cheaper than ever. Courses are free. Access to teachers is no longer a barrier—technology has done away with that. There is no excuse for not getting your education
"When student is ready, the teacher appears"
She had purpose. She had direction. She wasn't driven by passion, but by reason
Extra emotions as a burden. Being in control and doing your job and never being "passion's slave"
Opportunities are not usually deep, virgin pools that require courage and boldness to dive into, but instead are obscured, dusted over, blocked by various forms of resistance
Clarity, deliberateness, and methodological determination
What humans require in our ascent is purpose and realism. Purpose is like passion with boundaries. Realism is detachment and perspective
Passion is about. Purpose is to and for. Purpose deemphasizes the I. Purpose is about pursuing something outside yourself as opposed to pleasuring yourself
Where do we start? What do we do first? What do we do right now? How are we sure what we're doing is moving us forward?
A deliberate, purposeful person operates on a different level, beyond the sway or the sickness. They hire professionals and use them. They ask questions, they ask what could go wrong, they ask for examples. They plan for contingencies. Then they are off to the races. Usually look for feedback onn how the next set can be better. They lock in gains, and thenn get better as they go, often leveraging those gains to grow exponentially rather than arithmetically
Passion is form over function. Purpose is function, function, function
The critical work that you want to do will require your deliberation and consideration
It'd be far better if you were intimidated by what lies ahead—humbled by its magnitude and determined to see it through regardless. Leave passion for the amateurs. Make it about what you feel you must do and say, not what you care about and wish to be
"Above all, not too much zeal." Then you will do great things. Then you will stop being your old, good-inntentioned, but ineffective self
"Great men have almost always shown themselves as ready to obey as they afterwards proved able to command" - Lord Mahon
In the Roman system of art and science, successful businessmen, politicians, or rich playboys would subsidize a number of writers, thinkers, artists, and performers
Anteambulo - "One who clears the path"
What if he could have appreciated the opportunities it offered?
It's a common attitude that transcends generations and societies. The angry, unappreciated genius is forced to do stuff she doesn't like, for people she doesn't respect
We see it in an inability to meet anyone else on their terms, an unwillingness to take a step back in order to potentially take several steps forward
In reality, not only is the apprentice model responsible for some of the greatest art in the history of the world—everyone from Michelangelo to Leonardo da Vinci to Benjamin Franklin has been forced to navigate such a system
Make other people look good and you will do well. Keep your head down, and serve your boss
It's not about kissing ass. It's not about making someone look good. It's about providing the support so that others can be good. Find canvases for other people to paint on. Be an anteambulo. Clear the path for the people above you and you will eventually create a path for yourself
Be sure of a few fundamental realities. 1) You're not nearly as good or as important as you think you are; 2) You have an attitude that needs to be readjusted; 3) Most of what you think you know or most of what you learned in books or in school is out of date or wrong
Attach yourself to people and organizations who are already successful and subsume your identity innto theirs and move both forward simultaneously
Obeisance is the way forward
It reduces your ego at a critical time in your career, letting you absorb everything you can without the obstructions that block others' vision and progress
Seeing what goes on from the inside, and looking for opportunities for someone other than yourself. Finding the direction someone already intended to head and helping them pack, freeing them up to focus onn their strengths. Making things better rather than simply looking as if you are
Franklin was playing the long game, though—learning how public opinion worked, generating awareness of what he believed in, crafting his style and tone and wit
Franklin saw the constant benefit in making other people look good and letting them take credit for your ideas
Bill Belichick thrived on what was considered grunt work, asked for it and strove to become the best at precisely what others thought they were too good for. "He was like a sponge, taking it all in, listening to everything. You gave him an assignment and he disappeared into a room and you didn't see him again until it was done, and then he wanted to do more"
Franklin would never have been published if he'd prioritized credit over creative expression
Greatness comes from humble beginnings; it comes from grunt work. It means you're the least important person in the room—until you change that with results
"Say little, do much."
Be lesser, do more. Imagine if for every person you met, you thought of some way to help them, something you could do for them? And you looked at it in a way that entirely benefited them and not you
You'd learn a great deal by solving diverse problems. You'd develop a reputation for being indispensable. You'd have countless new relationships. You'd have an enormous bank of favors to call upon down the road
That's what the canvas strategy is about—helping yourself by helping others. Trade your short-term gratification for a longer-term payoff. Whereas everyone else wants to get credit and be "respected," you can forget credit
Let the others take their credit on credit, while you defer and earn interest on the principle
Once we fight this emotional and egotistical impulse, the canvas strategy is easy
Come up with the ideas to hand over to your boss. Find people, thinks, up-and-comers to introduce them to each other. Crosswires to create new sparks. Find what nobody else wants to do and do it. Find inefficiencies and waste and redundancies. Identify leaks and patches to free up resources for new areas. Produce more than everyone else and give your ideas away
Eliminate distractions that hinder their progress and focus
The canvas strategy is there for you at any time. There is no expiration date on it either
If you pick up this mantle once, you'll see what most people's egos prevent them from appreciating: the person who clears the path ultimately controls its direction, just as the canvas shapes the painting
"Those who have accomplished the greatest results are those who 'keep under the body'; are those who never grow excited or lose self-control, but are always calm, self-possessed, patient, and polite" - Booker T. Washington
Our own path will in some way be defined by the amount of nonsense we are willing to deal with. It will be tough to keep our self-control
"Lose temper as a refuge from despair" - John Steinbeck
When you want to do something—something big and important and meaningful—you will be subjected to treatment ranging from indifference to outright sabotage. Count on it
It doesn't degrade you when others treat you poorly; it degrades them
You must do nothing. Endure it. Quietly brush it off and work harder. Play the game. Ignore the noise; for the love of God, do not let it distract you. Restraint is a difficult skill but a critical one
It is a timeless fact of life that the up-and-coming must endure the abuses of the entrenched
You're not able to change the system until after you've made it
"A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts, so he loses touch with reality and lives in a world of illusions" - Alan Watts
"If you are not careful, station KFKD will play in your head twenty-four hours a day, nonstop, in stereo" - Anne Lamott
General George C. Marshall refused to keep a diary worried that it would turn his quiet, reflective time into a sort of performance and self-deception. He might second-guess difficult decisions out of concern for his reputation and future readers and warp his thinking based on how they would look
The more creative we are, the easier it is to lose the thread that guides us
Our imagination—in many senses an asset—is dangerous when it runs wild. We have to rein our perceptions in
Living clearly and presently takes courage. Live with the tangible and real. even if it's uncomfortable. Be part of what's going on around you. Feast on it, adjust for it
There's no one to perform for. There is just work to be done and lessons to be learned. in all that is around us
"A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you." - C. S. Lewis
Pride blunts the very instrument we need to own in order to succeed: our mind. Our ability to learn, to adapt, to be flexible, to build relationships, all of this is dulled by pride
If you're doing the work and putting in the time, you won't need to cheat, you won't need to overcompensate
Receive feedback, maintain hunger, and chart a proper course in life
"If you can't swallow your pride, you can't lead"
We must prepare for pride and kill it early. We must be on guard against that wild self-confidence and self-obsession. "The first product of self-knowledge is humility"
"That on which you so pride yourself will be your ruin"
We still have so far to go, that there is still so much to be done
"Don't boast." There's nothing in it for you
"The best plan is only good intentions unless it degenerates into work" - Peter Drucker
Having an idea is not enough; you must work until you are able to recreate your experience effectively in words on the page
Your job is to produce work
Be both a craftsman and an artist
Trade thinking and talking for working
"You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do" - Henry Ford
"The hard thing isn't setting a big, hairy, audacious goal. The hard thing is laying people off when you miss the big goal... the hard thing isn't dreaming big. The hard thing is waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat when the dreaming turns into a nightmare." - Ben Horowitz
To get where we want to go isn't about brilliance, but continual effort
It's all within reach–for all of us, provided we have the constitution and humbleness to be patient and the fortitude to put in the work
Do it if you're going to do it
"When you are not practicing, remember, someone somewhere is practicing, and when you meet him he will win"
"Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes." You can lie to yourself, saying that you put in the time, or pretend that you're working, but eventually someone will show up
There is no triumph without toil
Make it so you don't have to fake it–that is the key
Everytime you sit down to work, remind yourself: I am delaying gratification by doing this. I am earning what my ambition burns for. I am making an investment in myself instead of my ego. Give yourself a little credit for this choice, but not so much, because you've got to get back to the task at hand: practicing, working, improving
Work is finding yourself alone at the track when the weather kept everyone else indoors. Work is pushing through the pain and crappy first drafts and prototypes
There is work to be done. You know a workman by the chips they leave. It's true. To judge your progress properly, just take a look at the floor
Face our shortcomings honestly and put the time in
What is truly ambitious is to face life and proceed with quiet confidence in spite of the distractions. Let others grasp at crutches. It will be a lonely fight to be real. "I'm not going to take the edge off. I am going to be myself, the best version of that self. I am in this for the long game, no matter how brutal it might be." To do, not be
"The worst disease which can afflict business executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism"
Success is intoxicating, yet to sustain it requires sobriety. We can't keep learning if we think we already know everything. We are a small part of an interconnected universe. We have to build an organization and a system around what we do—one that is about the work and not about us
"Every man I meet is my master in some point, and in that I learn of him" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A persistent cycle of pragmatic learning, experimental adaption, and constant revision driven by his uniquely disciplined and focused will." - Genghis Khan. He was the greatest conqueror the world ever knew because he was more open to learning than any other conquerer has ever been
"As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." It takes a special kind of humility to grasp that you know less, even as you know and grasp more and more
With accomplishment comes a growing pressure to pretend that we know more than we do
They connsistently observe and listen, the humble improve. They don't assume, 'I know the way'
No matter what you've done up to this point, you better still be a student. If you're not still learning, you're already dying
Learn from everyone annd everything
The theory of disruption: at some point in time, every industry will be disrupted by some trend or innovation that, despite all the resources in the world, the incumbent interests will be incapable of responding to
Understand how they learn and then set up processes to facilitate this continual education
"Myth becomes myth not in the living but in the retelling" - David Maraniss
"Standard of Performance": What should be done. When. How
Players could not sit down on the practice field. Coaches had to wear a tie and tuck their shirts in. Everyone had to give maximum effort and commitment. Sportsmanship was essential. The locker room must be neat and clean. There would be no smoking, no fighting, no profanity
Standard of Performance was about instilling excellence
If the players take care of the details, "the score takes care of itself." The winning would happen
He was also humble enough to know that when victory would happen was not something he could predict
Writing your own narrative leads to arrogance
Narratives don't change the past, but they do have the power to negatively impact our future
Once you win, everyone is gunnning for you. It's during your moment at the top that you can afford ego the elast
"Don't try to buy at the bottom and sell at the top. This can't be done—except by liars"
Reducing it to a narrative retroactively creates a clarity that never was and never will be there